Comfort in the Kitchen

After a pretty tough week last week, I found myself in the kitchen recreating recipes in an attempt to comfort myself with food.  And the goal was to replicate foods I once loved but can no longer have.  I spent most of the summer trying to do this for my daughter so that when it came time to go back to school she could have 'copy-cat' foods.  I didn't want her to ever feel that just because she has food allergies that she's different and has to live life without. It's been a challenge to make something that brings a smile to her face as she's a very picky eater, but we have had some wonderful successes. :)

Over the weekend, I made some Gluten Free Vegan Crusty Bread from Ginger Lemon Girl along with some Magic Sauce from 101 Cookbooks.  Oh, my, was my belly in heaven!!  The Magic Sauce was so good, I made another batch to take to some of my GFFs (gluten-free friends).  My daughter said the bread was "yummy," which I know she thought so for it disappeared quite quickly. :)  Plus, one of my GFFs said the bread was the best she's tasted since going gluten-free.  It's always fun when you spend that much time, energy, and money into your creations and they turn out better than you could have ever imagined.  I know the days of taking a single bite and spitting "it" out in the trash aren't over, but it's nice that it's no longer the norm.

I also made some Paleo Spiced Nuts from Elanas Pantry.  These were such a hit with all the kids that I had to make three batches!  Half my kids don't even like plain nuts so this non-verbal fact is saying I hit the jackpot....which doesn't happen often enough with now 6 in the mix.  I'm excited to have found such health-ful foods for my family and friends.

Today, I was back in the kitchen trying to recreate graham crackers for my daughter.  She used to love them and I want her to love them once again.  I followed the Grahams Plain and Fancy Recipe from The Sensitive Pantry.  (You should note that I make adjustments as necessary whenever I follow a recipe to adapt them to our likes and allergies so my version may not be exact)  My daughter isn't home from school yet, but I know she will not like them.  The molasses has overtaken the taste and she doesn't care for molasses.  So, tomorrow I will try again, omitting the molasses, or at least toning it down, and using more honey.  However, they taste very similar to my Great Aunts' molasses cookies and, once again, I am a very happy me.  Not just because my belly is happy, but because I found comfort in the memories I have attached to one of my all-time favorite cookies.

My Great Aunt Aggie and Aunt Laura used to make molasses cookies every Christmas.  It was my Grandma's job to ice them.  Since as long as I can remember, that we a task she shared with us grand-kids. I remember anxiously awaiting the day when the cookies were baked and ready to frost.  It was almost like waiting for Christmas morning without knowing which morning Christmas would come.  When 'the day' would finally come, we'd go over to Grandma's house where she had the card table set up with a table cloth, different colored powdered sugar icings and sprinkles.  I remember being in awe at the great job she did decorating her cookies and she would tell us that ours looked better than hers.  For those cookies which we felt didn't make the cut, we quickly ate so that no one would ever see our 'mess ups.' :)

My Great Aunts have passed away and my mom has carried on the family tradition with now my children frosting the cookies.  My Grandma comes over to help 'oversee' the baking activities and to eat some of the 'mess ups.'  Since developing Celiac, I can no longer be around when white flour is in the air or even touch something made of gluten with my bare hands.  So I've missed out on some of the family traditions as I've had to live without - without favorite food, without family fun, without making memories.  And that sadness often led to me hiding out in the bathroom with the Kleenex box.  As time passed, it became easier.  Yet, I still longed for those Christmas molasses cookies and being able to decorate them with my girls and with  my mom as "Grandma."

Today - the graham cracker 'flop' is my Christmas molasses cookie replica!  I have struck gold and couldn't be more excited!  Dancing in the kitchen once again :) And with the successes over the weekend, I realize that I am actually cooking and baking myself to a place where I am just as healthy as I am happy.  I am finding joy in the sorrow - I cannot wait to make these with Christmas cookie cutters in 8 weeks or so - and a hope for brighter tomorrows for the foods I'm now creating and eating actually bring health to our bodies.

With all this said, I hope you, too, find that living the g-free life is truly living!  I must run off now as my GF neighbor is coming over to share a little smackeral of crackers and nuts - the perfect afternoon 'pick-me-up.'                      

NOW - No Opportunity Wasted

This morning as I was trying to "heal the hurt," but finding it way too hard to get over myself - maybe because I was enjoying feeling sorry for myself??- I opened up my Bicycling magazine to re-focus my attention on my passions. As I was thumbing through the pages, I came across an add for NOW energy bars. Because anything Gluten Free captures my attention, I learned that "NOW" stood for "No Opportunity Wasted." I liked that and soon that thought was rolling over and over again in my head. As it did, not only did I begin to realize I was being way too sensitive (OK -high maintenance) and had been hurt only because I had allowed myself to become easily offended for truth be told the offending party would never intentionally hurt me; but I also realized that the obstacles which stood in my path could be turned into opportunities IF I choose to let them.

Hmmm....this meant wiping away the tears, getting out from under the covers, changing my outlook on life, and taking actions to move myself in a positive direction. And maybe, just maybe if I did this and wrote about it, maybe someone else may read about my story and choose now to be the defining moment in their lives to start living with a NOW perspective....turning obstacles into opportunities, sorrows into brighter tomorrows, and tragedy into triumph.

A month ago I saw an immunologist as I was suffering from some sort of environmental allergies. At the same time, my chiropractic neurologist suggested I take another food sensitivity test as something was irritating my belly as well. While the tests the immunologist ran came back as expected -allergies to some weeds, pollen, mold, and mildew - the food allergy/sensitivity results blew me away. It showed I was now allergic to EVERYTHING I was eating. With the combined results, this meant I was developing allergies to everything in the world in which I live. I was now sensitive to everything I ate, breathed, and sometimes touched. WOW! My main question to all the physicians was, Why? As a Lymie, I wanted to know to what extent Lyme was playing into my new diagnoses, how we could stop the reactions, and what can be done to repair the damage that has been done.

Four weeks later, I had yet to receive any type of answer other than "I don't know how to help you. Our typical approach doesn't work for you because you have Lyme. So it's up to you to find a way to help yourself through your own trial and error." And "You need mental help not medical help. I'll get the names of some good therapists for you. Try them on like you do a pair of shoes until you find a good fit. You'll need to like the one you chose for you're going to need their assistance for many years. You must be depressed and/or suffered some abuse as a child which you've suppressed." HUH??? That's it? Case closed. Moriah's dismissed? I found it quite upsetting that those who ordered the testing did not have answers for me other than to tell me I have a problem for which they do not have a solution. While I did greatly appreciate not being told I was a nutcase by my chiro/neuro, I was feeling pretty down and out as I was left to try to sort through the medical mess on my own - once again.

In my search for a solution, a remedy for relief, I read two very helpful books "The Gluten Effect" by Drs. Petersen and "The Lyme Diet" by Dr. Nicola McFadzean. I learned about Leaky Gut and it's devastating effects on one's body and am reading everything I can find on the internet concerning it. Additionally, I had two phone consults with Dr. Rick and Vikki Petersen concerning may case. While they provided some very helpful information, they weren't sure of how exactly to proceed because - to quote - "your immune system is failing but because you have a very complicated and complex case of Lyme we aren't sure how effective any treatment will be." That was my breaking point. The point at which I crawled under my covers and cried. What was I do to? Everything I was eating was poison to me, yet I couldn't not eat. And no one knew how to help me for sure other than me spending a few more thousand dollars on testing and/or weeks of my own experiments- journaling everything I ate, how much of it I ate, in combination with other foods I ate it, and the time of day in which it was eaten - then eliminating the things I had the most reactions to. With nearly 100 foods to experiment with - this could take months. I don't have time to waste and that approach alone just didn't seem too realisic. As a Lymie - I cannot remember much of anything past a few hours and cannot read my own handwriting most of the time. As a mother of five - well, I find it hard to find the time to sit down and eat for most meals/snacks let alone write about it.

So, there I was feeling sorry for myself and simply 'smad' - sad and mad at the same time. Then I saw the NOW ad and my entire focus changed. I will Not waste this opportunity. I will sit down and do the research. I will find ways to help my health improve - physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. I will become a better me because of of my circumstances. I will rise up and meet the challenges to the best of my ability (still thinking meticulous journaling will not happen but will give it a try). There's too much at risk not to. If I chose to allow myself to stay defeated, I will continue to be a collector of chronic illnesses. I will not live life to its fullest. I will live the rest of my days in pain and sorrow. I will most likely become bitter and a person no one wants to be around for I wouldn't be serving any positive purpose in their lives. I will become a miserable whiner and complainer. And I will miss out on all the blessings God has in store for me and becoming all He created me to be.

IF, however, I chose NOW - I chose life. I choose a better quality of life. I choose to get back the momentum that's been stolen from me. I choose to get back what was lost. I choose to get my life, and the way I think, back in balance. I chose to live life to the fullest. I will be a blessing to others and will add value to their lives. I will be a 'multiplier' not a 'subtractor.' The choice was mine to make in that moment, and I chose NOW.

So what do I do from here? I've come up with a plan - a solution as I am a solution-oriented person. I can handle knowing what the problem is. I cannot handle not knowing how to correct or resolve it. This creates frustration and stress and neither lead to anything good. Back to the plan -

1. I'm making a list of the supplements I will need to repair and recover based on all the research I've done myself concerning Leaky Gut and my crazy, messed up immune system (this includes treating parasite infections and Candida - an overgrowth of yeast).

2. I'll make another list for the supplements I will need to help treat Lyme as soon as my gut has been repaired. Since 70-80% of one's immune system resides in the gut, my gut has to be well before attempting to kill the Lyme. If it's not, my system will be overloaded and the treatment will fail. This is most likely why treatments haven't been effective, or remain effective.

3. Not really sure what to do with the diet. Think, by process of journaling, I'll see if my belly is cross-reacting with rice. I have a feeling it is and treating rice as if it were gluten. It's done this with quinoa and I know it's doing it again to something else I'm eating. Rice is my first bet....but it may be the coconut flour. Or even both. As for everything else, well, I think eliminating the main aggrevator(s) will be very helpful and then we'll just have to have a longer recovery process as I need to keep eating. With hypoglycemia, not having proper nutrition opens up a whole different set of problems, which has happened before and caused me to lose my driver's license for 6months after passing out on a sidewalk and taking a trip to the ER via an ambulance.

4. Search the internet for GF/CF/everything free :) recipes for me and my family. As the entire Cameron Crew carries the gene for Celiac we all must cut gluten out immediately. Plus, cooking for 8 (we have an 'extra' coming to live with us next week) requires some sort of planning. While I like to be organized and have everything in its place, planning is no longer a quality my Lymie brain is very good at anymore. BUT will stretch myself and make my brain think in a somewhat organized manner. (Ask my family how conversations with me go....) HA!

5. After printing out recipes and creating my own cookbook - and possibly buying a few real ones off Amazon - I will create a weekly menu plan AND grocery list. I'll save these on my computer so as time goes on, it'll be easy to rotate them and simply print off a list each week.

6. With the new supplement/treatment plan, I'll also have to have a chart as to when I need to take what - with food, not with food, so many hours after a different supplement or another meal, etc... And not eat certain things I love - like all fruit other than cranberries, POM juice, and granny smith apples.

That's it. It's time for NOW. That's my story. And in the posts to come, you'll be learning what I'm learning and able to cook what I'm cooking as I'll post the recipes as well (and if they were 'kid-tested AND approved' or not). Enjoy your day NOW.